Protection From Pornography Week

Well, folks, it’s Protection From Pornography Week. I think Protection From Pleasure Week is scheduled for February, and Protection From Freedom Week starts shortly thereafter. That one’s gonna be a long week.

Anyway, I’m doing my bit by linking to this picture of two ladies at their bath. At least one of them, I can assure you, is very clean. And pink enough to make Larry Flynt proud.

It Could Work, Dammit!

Daze has a flippant idea for a self-help book. Or is it so flippant? I think it’s actually pretty clever.

The title: “All I Really Need to Know About Picking Up Girls I Learned from Jane Eyre.”

Of course, there’s context you should read.

Innocent Pleasures: Nude Twister

Anybody up for a game of naked twister?

Update: The link went dead, but I found a better one.

Light Slaps and Gatorade

Bunni asks a very good question in the comments to a post about being good in bed:

Generally my experience is that men who brag about sex are god awful. If they are that good at it, why are they talking to me? Shouldn’t they be somewhere trying to revive some poor ravished girl with light slaps and gatorade?

More Smurf Porn

Would you believe it? An annual smurf orgy. Because after all, Smurfette is the only female smurf in the smurf village. It goes like this:

Cradling his head to her crotch, Smurfette’s hips begin to slowly grind and twitch, for Papa Smurf’s tongue has unerringly found her S-spot, and Smurfette begins the slow, hot, agonizing rise to ecstasy.

“Oh, make me smurf, baby, make me smurf!” she pants, each stroke of his tongue causing her to throb and clutch.

As Smurfette’s moans and cries rise in pitch higher and higher, the crowd gazes in amazement at the mighty mound of meat struggling to escape from Papa Smurf’s pants. This, then, is the legendary Trouser Titan….

Hey, I didn’t say it was a well written smurf orgy.

Update: I am informed that Smurfs have become a valuable industrial input.

Two Sexes Divided By A Common Language

Here are some observations about communication between the sexes, from this essay at Wired Tales:

“Don’t stay up too late” is often a simple expression of concern that we get enough sleep. “How soon are you coming to bed?” means “I want you there while I’m still awake.” Don’t say it if that isn’t what you mean.

Don’t make us think too hard about “codes” like this. “I’m going to turn in early” could mean you had a hard day and you’re legitimately exhausted. If you want us there too, you have to ask, “Are you coming?”

On second thought, screw subtlety. Just grab our dick. That’s unmistakable.

“If you want to.” When we say it, we genuinely care whether you want to. We know that sometimes you don’t, and sometimes we can’t tell. However, we always want to; we think it’s obvious that we want to; and we assume you are aware of that. So when you say “I will if you want to”, we think it can’t possibly be meant at face value: we think you’re really saying that you don’t really want to, that you’re going to endure it for our benefit, and that you’re setting us up for you not having any fun. So when it goes wrong (as it inevitably will, if you don’t want to), then it’s our fault. We hate that.
…
“Unzip me?” I’ve never understood this. Do you genuinely need help getting out of your clothes? Why would you wear clothes you couldn’t get out of?

Helping you out of your clothes is a form of foreplay. Don’t ask us to help you undress unless you’re going to let us fuck you–or unless you genuinely are stuck / tangled in your clothes.

Interupted Idyll: Sex In The Park

Those pesky police spoil everything.

Raunchiest Smiley Ever

This has got to be the dirtiest little yellow animated smile icon ever seen:

Found at Your Dirty Mind.

Quoth The Yeti

Yeti says:

Okay ladies. Time to make your amends. I keep warning you that when you turn thirty the sex hormone is going to completely change your life.

You spent 15 years playing with men because they seemed easy to control sexually. Now the roles are reversed.
…
So take my advice now. Be nice to those fellas – cause payback is coming soon.

Maria Tied And Showered

Time for some visual relief. Here’s a page showing a whole sequence of photos of incredible beauty Maria tied to a post in the jungle and given a refreshing cold shower:

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Halley Makes History

Halley is misbehaving with a bunch of other women! (No, it’s not what you think. Sigh. But a man can dream.)

Read My Lips

A pretty picture:

Thanks to Naked Protesters for the picture.

On The Construction of Confidence

A wrap-up observation from the “nice guys / assholes” conversation. Lots of people opined that confidence is the key, and that assholes are attractive because they have a lot more of it than your average nice guy. The self-deprecating ways of your average nice guy? Sooo not sexy. Dammit.

Entirely by coincidence, I stumbled over these thoughts by Lance Arthur in a bit where he explains why he hates gay bars. Lance speaks very much to the point, both in explaining why confidence can be elusive, and in suggesting how to find it anyway:

I am learning that most of this garbage I carry with me is “myth,” not “truth.” Myth is the stuff you (I) create to make it easier for your(my)self to fail, and it’s designed to make you (me) fail. It allows you (me) to go into any situation and avoid rejection because you’ve (I’ve) already rejected your(my)self. “I am unworthy. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am too shy to talk to you. I cannot approach anyone.” Blah blah blah.

Truth is the stuff about you that’s real — that you aren’t ugly or stupid or awkward, that you can carry on a conversation, that you’re no better or worse than any other guy there, you’re just you. That comes from, you know, living. Taking chances, accepting what happens, moving on. So you can either accept the myths and build them into a semblance of truth, or reject the myths and, you know, live for a change.

Thanks, that’ll be $130 please. See you next week.

Cheap at twice the price. Thanks, Lance!

Found Poetry

I just found this amidst my spam. I think it’s an unintentional poem:

i am really really dirty
i love banging
i love taking my cloth off
i love meeting the memebers of my site and banging then

my site is new
my site has everything you want
and it will never cost you a thing

Modern Fertility Rituals

This looks like a bridal shower scene, probably the result of a bunch of ladies having a little naughty fun:

But it’s also an example of how ancient pagan habits die really hard. Don’t tell me that oh-so-virile jutting phallus is not also the centerpiece in a fertility ritual, however unconscious.

Abraham And Hagar Get It On

Here’s a funny site called Bible Sex Stories. The dirty bits of the Bible are repackaged as badly written erotic stories:

Hagar reached down under Abraham’s tunic and felt the hardness. “What is that, a stone idol under there?” She asked, as she slid down and fellated Abraham’s obelisk. He enjoyed her expert tongue, but soon he couldn’t bear it. He lifted her up and placed her on top of him.

As he entered Hagar’s supple moistness, Abraham flashed back to how his wife Sarah’s dry gullet reminded him of the hot desert sand, and he shuddered. Hagar grabbed onto his collar and rode him like a camel, bouncing up and down, drilling him deeper into her with each movement.

From Abraham Visits The Maid.

Nice Guys Redux

I really appreciate all the comments and responses I’ve gotten to the thread about nice guys, assholes, and female preference. The Boss over at The Collar Purple had a bit to say on the subject, and I’ve received numerous thoughtful emails on the subject as well. For instance, Sharon wrote that I got it wrong:

No, no, no, “doormat” is not the same as “attentive, considerate, emotionally involved, willing to
talk about feelings”.

They *are* different things. It is perfectly possible to be all those latter things (which women generally DO want) and NOT a doormat. I know many examples.

The big problem is: most men who do do the attentive, considerate, etc. thing are ALSO doormats. The challenge for a man is to be that stuff whilst also NOT being a doormat. I won’t say that it isn’t difficult, but it is possible.

It’s finding the difference between “attentive”, and “always pays more attention to her than to himself”. We don’t want the latter, which is doormatty. We want someone who can stick up for himself. We don’t want someone who always pays more attention to himself than to her, either. There is a middle ground!

Perhaps there is, but I’d have to say it sounds like a very narrow middle. In any case, the “we want someone who can stick up for himself” meme appears to have legs. Amber suggests:

Girls don’t like nice guys because they are almost always self-deprecating. That’s the crux of their “niceness,” they’re modest. Understand, that societal pressure lead most women to believe that they need to be protected, or at least have to marry someone who COULD protect them if necessary. When a guy puts himself down, a girl generally thinks “he’s nice, but if I were in a vulnerable position, would he stick up for me?” The answer is invariably no, because it’s obvious that the man will not even stick up for himself. While nice guys will argue that they WOULD stick up for the woman, she has no proof that this is fact. So she dates an asshole, feeling that if worse comes to worse, he’ll go to bat for her. This isn’t true, but there is more evidence to support that than the nice guy doing it.

Which sounds like a plausible theory. At least, it explains why those guys who are always picking fights in bars never lack for dates.

Assholes In The Eye Of The Beholder

The Vanilla Sex Goddess weighs in on the question of women and their too-common fondness for assholes. Her post serves, perhaps, as anecdotal evidence for something I’ve suspected as a complicating factor in all this: namely, that whatever causes this asshole-seeking behavior may have something to do with a target identification malfunction.

First VSG says:

And I have to say, I have dated assholes, but I didn’t know they were assholes until later and at which point I dumped them.

Look, nobody’s saying women do this deliberately. But I’ll betcha VSG had men in her life who could have told her right up front those guys were assholes, if she had but asked. I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that some of those men even tried to tell her when she didn’t ask – although most of us have learned better by now. It takes a true friend to stick his dick in that particular blender.

VSG goes on:

The men who describe themselves as being “nice guys” are rarely nice. They certainly aren’t any nicer than any other man. Instead they are doormats. And as I don’t much like doormats except to walk on, it’s not suprising that I don’t want to date them, nor any other woman.

By the time I hit 25 these men were no longer doormats. They were instead, manipulative, passive aggressive, whiney, or too demanding of my time for my taste. They love to tell stories of how this woman or that woman did them wrong, and what manipulative bitches they were. (This is bad fodder for a first date) and I am still turned off.

No nice guy (the old fashioned word for the man I am talking about used to be “gentleman”) uses a word like “bitch” to describe a woman. Period. End of sentence. Move on to next paragraph. These are not the droids you were looking for.

Having said that, I’ll confess to having spent some time in my twenties in doormat mode. Young men are raised these days, the ones who are raised at all, to be attentive, considerate, emotionally involved, willing to talk about their feelings, and above all, cooperative with the whims of the fairer sex. Which is a very nice way of describing the “door mat” in the above quote.

It turns out that our Betty-Friedan-reading mothers weren’t reliable, when they told us this is what the young ladies would be looking for. I cannot tell a lie — some of us have briefly whined (er, make that, “shared our feelings openly”) about this discovery. But the smarter among us are working on getting over it.

I’m sure women everywhere will understand if cookie deliveries decline as a consequence.

More On Nice Guys

Cat Nastey (and where has her link been all this time? I’ll have to spank my webmaster. No, wait, that’s me, what a terrible idea.)

Start over. Cat Nastey writes in reference to this post that she doesn’t date assholes, that she only dates nice guys, and that she has a good one who brings her cookies, thank-you-very-much. And that’s good to hear. I didn’t mean to suggest (and I don’t think TheYeti or his pie suppliers were suggesting) that the female preference for assholes is universal, even if it’s common enough to be worth thinking about.

However, I do want to point out that I’ve heard Cat’s song before. Happy girls in good relationships often say this. Usually to your face. “Gee, you’re such a nice guy, if I wasn’t taken I’d snatch you up in a heartbeat.” It’s intended as, and is, a supportive gesture. But I’ve found it’s not a reliable indicator of what single girls actually do. Face it, a lot of asshole-seekers say they want a nice guy. Too often, they say it to their nice male friends while complaining about the misdeeds of their latest asshole.

But none of this diminishes Cat’s point. Cookie deliverers of the world, stay the course, take heart, and be of good cheer. Time is on your side.

Scientific Method, Yummy

Is cum good for the skin? Specifically, does it prevent facial blemishes or pimples? Or is that just a big fat lie invented by the patriarchy for selfish purposes? (“Go, patriarchy! Rah rah rah!” I really need a picture of cheerleaders without panties to put right here.)

Anyway, Nick and Lisa decided to find out.

Thanks, Daze, for the link!

The Grey Lady This Isn’t

I’m sorry about the unrelieved text the last few days. We’re sorely in need of a dirty picture to lighten things up. How about a random anime girl in chains?

Aaah. That’s just the thing.

Why Women Like Assholes

The Yeti presents (in exchange for pies) some theories about why women are attracted to assholes. (This is pretty much an eternal mystery to us guys who work at being nice fellows, and who are consequently richly rewarded by the friendship of numerous women who would never dream of sleeping with us.)

One of the Yeti’s theories, which I think has merit, goes like this:

Women want a MAN. Someone who makes decisions, follows their own course, isn’t afraid to speak his mind, has a purpose in life, protects his family and friends and country, and treats other people with respect when they deserve it. They can not stand a pansy. When confronted with the choice of an asshole or a pansy, they will always go to the asshole because at least they have a shot at tempering his rough edges. It is impossible to install a spine in a pansy.

Interestingly, in the comments someone points out the obvious – that it’s possible “to NOT be a wimp and simultaneously NOT be an asshole” – whereupon one of the pie suppliers makes it clear why this is a bad idea. I’ve never seen a woman admit this before:

And those other breeds you speak of–the unwimps and unassholes–they’re called “friends”. I could singlehandedly corrupt every stinkin’ one of them, but I choose not to.

Well, that settles it. Anybody got a copy of “The Nice Guy’s Compleat Guide to Becoming An Asshole Overnight In Order To Attract Women?”

Note to the humor impaired: I am kidding. There is a better way, the trick to which Halley has documented extensively.

The Valley Of Gustatory And Olfactory Delights

There has been talk here before about the excellent tastes and smells of a woman. Although some women worry (needlessly) about how they taste and smell, thankfully others know better:

And for that matter, I’m not pleased with men who do not enjoy my taste. I know what I taste like, and I taste good, clean and crisp and sexy. I am unimpressed by a man who does not enjoy my taste. And really there is no faking it. If you are only willing to touch my pussy with the tip of your tongue I notice and am immediately turned off. There is more to my pussy than my clit for your tongue and my vagina for your cock. And actually while we’re at it the whole nether region is an erogenous zone feel free to explore. I suspect it’s no different for men, but I know that it is not enough for one to have technique; I want to think you are enjoying licking my pussy too. Nothing turns me on more than when a man sticks two or three fingers in my drenched pussy and then sucks the juices off.

Thus spake the Vanilla Sex Goddess.

Advice For the Christmas Retail Season

Here’s a recommendation for consumer electronics manufacturers, in the guise of a haiku from deep in the archives at Girls In the Bag:

cute little cell phone
if you vibrated stronger
they would sell more phones.

Girls Kissing: A Why

Here’s an amusing anecdote about one of the reasons young ladies sometimes make out with each other:

One evening my closest school friend and I were ineffectively trying to get these two guys to come drink with us. They, being Amherst Men, could not drag themselves away from their dip and Nintendo. The night had already involved some girl-on-girl action and we suddenly hatched a foolproof scheme to get the boys to play with us. After we made out in their doorway
for mere moments they were turning off the TV and running to the bathroom to spit out their plugs. I still don’t know what they thought was in store for them, but we got what we wanted: the four of us playing Go Fish, drinking beers late into the night. This story highlights one of the most common reasons straight girls kiss other girls: to get men’s attention.

Amherst men? Figures. Ladies, unless things have changed in the last ten or fifteen years, I’m sure you’d be much happier with some Ephs.

True Customer Service: Male Chastity Device Mishap

The folks at Eros Boutique have a blog now. Mostly they are flogging their goodies (hmm, sounds like fun) but they do have some funny stories from the sex toy selling biz. Like this one:

This guy calls up, asking if we sell extra keys for the CB3000. (*for those of you unfamiliar with the CB3000, its the cream of the crop in male chastity devices. Pyrex. Padlock. If you’re a guy who wants to lock your cock up, this is the way to go.)

But I digress…
…
So “mike” calls.

Do we sell extra keys.

So Lucy tells him we don’t have any extra keys in stock, but he might want to call the CB3000 people and see what the deal is. “But,” she asks, “doesn’t the CB3000 come with 2 extra keys? What happened to them?”

So Mike says:

“You see, the woman who put this device on me isn’t my wife, and now she’s out of town for a few days, and I just don’t find it funny anymore.”

“Oh.” Lucy says. “Well, sir, that’s what you get for letting a strange woman put something on your penis.”

There’s more – Lucy’s not as heartless as she sounds. But that’s a classic line.

99 And 44/100ths Percent Soap Free

You think showering is just an efficient way to get clean? You’re missing out on a lot. Here’s how civilized people take a shower:

He crouches and I spread my legs allowing him access to wash me from my hips to my feet, giggling as he tickles my soles and my toes.

When he’s done with my feet, I again turn around so I am facing him. He removes the gloves &amp puts more soap on his hands. I put one foot up on the safety rail. He takes a step forward and slips one hand to my pussy while the other hand slides around my hips to my backside. He twiddles his soapy fingers in, on and around my bijou, being sure to clean every nook and cranny, until I am shuddering with orgasm after orgasm. His other hand has not been idle. He slides one slippery finger into my asshole and in conjunction with his first hand sends me climbing to ever-higher heights of orgasmic bliss until I slump into his arms &amp he must steady me to keep me from falling.
…
I rub the suds into his hair, cupping his balls in one hand and gripping his swelling shaft with the other. I slide my hand to the head of his cock and then back again, holding the foreskin back so that his glans is exposed and I can rub my soapy fingers and palm around its crown. As his cock grows, it becomes easier and easier to wash – less wrinkles! – and he moans with pleasure and leans against the shower wall, sometimes twitching as I touch a more sensitive spot. Back and forth I rub my hands over and around and under his cock and balls, being sure that every bit of it is clean. Finally he rinses – but has he gotten all the soap off? Only one way to tell! I take his cock into my mouth for a “soap check”; I must be 100% certain that everything is soap-free before we can get out of the shower.

The Terror And The Beauty

This postcard amuses me. Yes, these spectral beauties could be a little terrifying, but they’ve got friendly and playful looks on their faces. So why is our hapless hero looking so frightened?

He Puts What, WHERE?

Someone, who would be recognizable to you loyal sex blog readers if I were to fail to preserve their requested anonymity, was so cruel as to send along this link to a directory of disturbing photographs. Perhaps it would be best to let the captions of the photographs speak for themselves, while I go away into a corner and clutch quietly at my genitals.

Photo Sequence #1: “Ever want to know how to shove a Gummi worm up your dick?” Uh, no.

Photo Sequence #2: “Line the worm up with the hanger and slide it in….”
Just for the record: “OUCH!”

Photo Sequence #3: “Stay away from the green ones, for some reason they burn after a while….” Hint: If you didn’t grip yourself so firmly in order to expel them with the brute force of your semen, perhaps the burning would be reduced?

Photo Sequence #4: “You may notice that your cum becomes like syrup, and takes on flavor and color of the worm. My girlfriend loves my cum afterwards!” Why yes, we can all see her lapping it up right there in the picture. No, wait, no we can’t.

And just in case you haven’t had all the fun you can stand, he also does nails and pencils.

2014 update:The original links have long been broken, but a collection of these photos has been obsessively reassembled and published at the Dickworms tumblr. I think I recognize a kindred spirit. Halp?

The Pleasures of Growing Up

This is not recent, but it’s new to me: A thing attributed to Andy Rooney on the many merits of women over 40. I especially like the sound of these three:

Over 40 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an over 40 woman. They always know.

Over 40 women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Things to look forward to.

The Gordon Gecko of Porn

Carly at Pornblography knows the most interesting people! Recently she asked her readers:

MILFs.

I don’t get it.

What’s the big deal?

Which generated the most amazing response in Carly’s comments from the infamous Skeeter Kerkove. This is like the “Greed is Good” speech Gordon Gecko delivered in “Wall Street”. This is worth reading:

MILF!!! Why? Mothers I’d Like to Fuck is the number one money maker on the web currently!

The DVD’s are flying off the shelves. MILF is making more money then any other niche on the market worldwide on the web!

MILF Hunter is getting more traffic then any other sex website in the world.

MILF Hunter is averaging over 2 thousand sign ups per day at $24.95 per membership! No other site in the world is making this much money!

Alexa rankings, god bless the Alexa rankings, the lower the number, the more people are going to the site.

go to: www.alexa.com, type in the website, then you will see the traffic people are getting. This will give you an idea.

Samantha Sterlyng 271,371
Nikita Denise 182,133
Gauge 131,310
Jade Marcella 91,601
Jill Kelly 54,652
Briana Banks 36,117
Tera Patrick 34,555
Bridgette Kerkove 30,417
Penthouse 4,285
Hustler 4,016
Playboy 535
Milf Hunter 441

MILF Hunter is # 1, that is why MILF is all the rage! Money! Money! Money! Boatloads of money! The American dream! MILF Hunter has 3,269 sites that link to it.

So that is your answer, we are all in porn to make money! We love money! MILF Hunter is processing over 16 million dollars per month, that is why MILF is selling, now everybody gets it! Money, lots of money!

If Carley or Quasar would have started MILF Hunter 12 months ago, they would be worth net over 40 million dollars. They could buy a 4000 square foot home in Malibu inside the colony for 13 million cash. Invest the other 27 million in commercial property, pay for it outright, collect the leases which would be 89% profit and take home at least 487 thousand dollars per month.

Sometimes we do not understand other peoples art, freedom, sweet liberty, however we quickly learn there is a sea of money out there for YOU to have, it is yours for the taking. You just have to figure out how to get it, MILF was one of the many ways. Will a person get rich shooting regular porn these days? Not if you are just starting out.

There has always been hundreds and thousands of men and young men, fantasizing about fucking somebody’s mother, somebody was smart enough to make millions off of it.

I have already shot 2 MILF style movies that are in the can, I will be shooting more also. Love is in the air, God Bless the United States! It is so easy to make lots of money in the U.S. without an education! Hooray for the United States! God Bless Pornography, sodomy, America and MILF Hunter. “Don’t tread on me”

Skeeter Kerkove

Damn if that didn’t make me want to jump up and salute the flag. No kidding.

Sweet Sweet Femdom

It’s not at all unheard of for me to post BDSM-ish stuff on ErosBlog. However, I’m not sure I’ve ever posted any femdom (women dominating men) pictures. Why not? Well, what little fem/dom porn I’ve ever seen has had always had an extreme case of the common porn problem, namely, that the people shown in it too often aren’t smiling or appearing to have any fun. I’m a huge believer that porn in any genre is ten times as hot if the performers look like they are enjoying themselves.

Thus this rather cute drawing caught my eye, because it shows three lovely young blonde ladies having fun with a hapless but perhaps-not-unhappy young man. Two of the three ladies have pleased-looking smiles on their faces, and the lady with the whip looks more intense than mean:

There’s a slightly larger version over at the “free” (lots of affiliate links, but no pop-ups that I saw) porn site where this turned up.

Update: Reader Melissa let me know that the artist is Sardax (at sardax.com ).

Fucking Machines Present and Past

Vikki has just discovered Fucking Machines — and she’s fascinated. This is a porn site that’s taken “fun with power tools” to a whole new level. (They also have a site featuring guys using the same machines – the bluntly named Butt Machine Boys.)

Vikki, where were you when I first posted pictures of some of these fucking machines? Just think, if you had been a faithful ErosBlog reader back then you would have known about them seven whole months ago!

Not that the idea is new. I’m sure this steam powered model (complete with carefully filed rivet heads for her pleasure) was a big seller in the 1903 Sears Catalog:

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How To Lie With Photoshop

We at ErosBlog (that would be me, plus the woodland nymphs who are kind enough to inhabit my active fantasy life) are not above having some fun with images of dubious probability. Why, back in February I posted and got a lot of positive comment on a public bondage picture that was just too good to be true…and indeed, it wasn’t true.

Another example I’ve sometimes wondered about is a photo that’s been floating around the internet for ages. It’s usually entitled “Stumpy” and it features a naked quadruple amputee. I’ve always assumed it was a cruel Photoshop job, and felt a bit sorry for the model pictured.

It turns out I was right. This side-by-side shows the doctored photo beside the rather pedestrian porn picture that was used as source material. Presented (but not displayed unless you click) for your education, and as a reminder of the value of skepticism.

A Model For Halley

Since Halley clearly wants a policewoman costume, I offer up this model as an humble suggestion.

Nota Bene: I am using the word “model” in the sense of “template or idea”, not in the sense of “person who wears exotic costumes”. I’m not that generous!

More Baggage

Emmie at Girls in the Bag doesn’t worry about sex toy baggage, mostly, but she does have her limits:

the person whose toys i will refuse to use is the one to whom i have to explain why we can’t have anal sex and then regular sex in that order.

I do believe this question is setting an all-time ErosBlog record for interested and interesting responses!

Vikki Has A Solution

Vikki at Her Desires offers up some sound advice and considerations on the etiquette of previously-used bondage gear. As for my specific dilemma, she suggests an elegant solution:

What are we talking about here, maybe 30 bucks worth of cheap cuffs? I say we start a fund for the horny young man and get him a nice permanent set of leather ones. Any takers? :)

She may be a little low — we’re talking about two pairs of cuffs — but it’s an elegant solution nonetheless. Although I’m sure Vikki’s readers will have better things to do with their money than buy me anything this nice.

All Laced Up And Tied With A Bow

Once you’ve got all those rings, what’s a person supposed to do with them? Well, if you’re a woman, there’s only one possible answer. Decorate!

And very decorative it is, too.

Toys And Baggage

Two responses so far to the question below. One correspondent assures me that cuffs (and paddles) are not like sex toys — as long as they are clean, she avers, a guy is safe to keep them and use them serially.

Another lady writes in with the sensible proposal that toys kept should be only those which were and are to be used on or in the person doing the keeping. If a guy had a buttplug that his last girlfriend used on him, and wanted her to carry on the tradtion, she wouldn’t freak; but if he had a vibrator that…well, I’ll let her speak for herself:

“But if he produced a vibrator that he’d used to insert into his previous girlfriend, would I want to have it inserted into me? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! No thank you!!!!!!!! I don’t care
how many times you’ve washed it! Icky baggage!”

Just so. Unfortunately, this lady isn’t much help on the cuffs question and other toys where the distinction between his-n-hers is less clear. As she puts it: “Don’t ask me what to do with the sex sling. :-)”

Politics As Usual

Somehow in light of yesterday’s political goings-on, tinged as they were by the warm whiff of sexual scandal, this cartoon seems fresh again:

Which reminds me, does anybody have, or have a link to, a really good high-quality scan of that Spy Magazine cover from 1992 or thereabouts that featured Hillary Photoshopped into an impressive dominatrix outfit?

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• Hillary Looking Sexy

A Tricky Question

Tara and Jeff (more horny Canadians!) at Naughty Secrets have asked an interesting question:

When you buy sex toys in a relationship and then break up, who gets the toys?

They go on to say “Obviously the woman” (which I’m not so sure about, depending on the toys) and then ask more questions:

Should she keep the toys? Should she bring them to the next relationship? Do toys have baggage?

From time to time I’ve pondered that very question. See, I happen to be possessed of a quality set of Velcro-fastened fuzzy-lined wrist and ankle cuffs with handy D-rings for attaching to things. She bought them for me as a gift – and of course the real gift was her wearing them for me. We had some fun with them, too. (It’s good that I don’t have any photos of her wearing them, or the blogging reflex to link one to “we had some fun” would be overwhelming.) And then of course we split up and I kept the cuffs — after all, they were mine.

However, every time I’ve moved them or seen them since, it’s caused me to wonder: “Why am I keeping these?” Seriously, if I met another lady who wanted to play that way, wouldn’t it freak her out to be tied up with lightly used cuffs? Lightly used, that is, by the ex girlfriend? They’re clean and they don’t smell, but still. I am not wise in the ways of women, but my spidey sense is giving me hell over the idea. Possibly not the smartest move, Lothario.

I hate to say it, because it means I should throw away that perfectly good set of cuffs: But yeah, I’d say toys have baggage.

“Do You Wanna Get Dirty?”

Naughty Bears

Yes, friends, we bring you the naughty world of Gummybear Sex!

She’s Salivating…

What do you suppose she’s hungry for?

Know Any Twisted Minds?

Because Fusilier is looking for a few of ’em. Knowing how to spell “bukkake” is a plus:

A Cargill TV ad about the quality of baby food ends with a slo-mo gray spoonful of said product splashing on Mom’s smiling face. Some really twisted mind could take that video clip and run with it. Not me, though.

I’m sure there’s a whole new porn niche in there, sort of a fusion of MILF and splosh, with aesthetics informed by bukkake. Wow. Anybody?

ErosBlog is Having a Birthday Tomorrow!

Yup, that’s right, folks. I just realized. My very first post was a year ago tomorrow.

It really doesn’t seem like a year could have gone by. This project turned out to be way more fun than I ever imagined it would be.

Safe To Cuddle

It’s time to start the huge job of updating the blog roll with all the cool new blogs that sprang up while I was gone. And, sadly, it’s also time to remove a few moribund ones that seem to be gone for good. But I’ll put that off for a few more days, the way I always do.

But I had to add a hot new babe log: Not Work Safe. [Link later died and was removed.]

The aside that ate the blog post: I hate that name, just like I hate the way people refer to ErosBlog as not work safe. It’s a pet peeve. See, the deal is, ErosBlog is safe for work, although perhaps not conducive to getting any done. If it’s not safe for you to view ErosBlog where you work, it’s your work that’s not safe for ErosBlog. Just because some of my readers live in the United States and choose to work in environments where they are treated like horny fifth-graders and assumed to be unable to make responsible choices about viewing and displaying sexual material, there’s no reason to call the blog unsafe, especially when other readers and potential readers live or work in less repressive societies (or environments, such as their own office or home) where the blog is perfectly safe. Folks, if your work isn’t safe for ErosBlog, consider getting some different work! And if you can’t do that (and I know a lot of folks feel stuck in their lives) at least don’t assume that everyone else in the world is in the same boat. Modest proposal: Try saying “not safe for sex-hostile environments” or some such.

Er, sorry, I’ll stop ranting now. Back to business.

Similar Sex Blogging:

• Roger Ebert To Working World: Grow Up
• More On NSFW

Tentacle Sex For Guys

If any one sort of image made explicit Japanese animation or computer graphics notorious in the United States, it was tentacle sex. Usually a nubile young lass is shown entangled in long wormlike tentacles, which both restrain her and probe slimily into every available orifice.

Usually, but not always. This time, it’s a guy…