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October 11th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

Tittyfucks Are The Engine Of Commerce

Breast sex, aka the fun kind of tit jobs, aka tit fucking, is at the core of the modern economy, and I can prove it:

It’s true: you can’t spell “adverTIsemenTS” without “semen” between the “tits”!

Many hundreds of people have had fun making short videos to share this sentiment, but this one is by Feline Fumbles, using audio from the original by voice actor Isaakwells.

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October 10th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

Seeing Camgirls Everywhere

I can’t say whether my changing social media habits are responsible for today’s observation, or whether it’s more about changes in the online scene. Either way, in the last year I’ve become aware of (or “met”, in a parasocial way) more online sexy-ladies than I probably did in the previous half-decade. I’m not only talking about the subscription-based erotic personalities on OnlyFans and similar sites, but also the camgirls who work through sex cam sites like Rabbits Cams and the e-girls who promote themselves and their paid-influencer personas on porn-hostile platforms as diverse as Instagram, YouTube, and Twitch.

novice onlyfans performer gets dubious help making a sex tape

My personal discovery of the joys of TikTok coincides with my surprise at learning that all these adult performers have, essentially, found a way to beat the pornocalypse. It’s not so much that they found one weird trick to fight the algorithmic censors. No, my impression is that they’ve become fluent in non-explicit seduction and ways of communicating the destination of their proverbial “link in bio” without actually having a (probably-prohibited) actual link in their actual bio.

blue haired cam bunny with big tits prepares to give a blowjob

From what I can tell by fascinated observation, these seductive social-media entrepreneurs first make themselves attractive and then, when they’ve got a firm grip on the erotic imagination of their male viewers, they deploy a fluid mix of euphemisms and suggestive hints to help viewers understand which camsite or subscription platform to check for their more explicit content.

bathroom mirror boob selfies with a digital camera

There are a thousand strategies for being commercially seductive without being explicit. My favorite, which appears in dozens of variations, is something I’ve dubbed the “patriarchy-bait” strategy. A pretty woman will appear, fully and casually dressed, and she’ll say something like:

Ladies, you want to keep your man happy? When he leaves for work in the morning, he should have a full lunchbox, a hot breakfast in his belly, an empty sack, and a smile on his face. Every day! It’s not that hard…

There’s really nothing for a pornocalypse algorithm to seize on. The “empty sack” is of course a reference to drained balls, and implies wakeup-sex every morning, or a blowjob; but it’s generic enough (with many possible circumlocutions) to fly under the pornocalypse radar. And it’s sweet bait for sexually-unsatisfied men, who think “Yeah, I like this girl, even if she is too good to be true” and follow her.

Playboy Club bunny posing

So that’s one way a TikTok “accountant” (euphemism for sex worker) or “mattress actress” (which implies being a porn performer or camgirl) can set her horniness hook, as it were. But then how does she reel in the customer to her subscription or cams platform of choice? More euphemisms! In a different video, she might say with a wink “I only have fans, no air conditioning.” She might just say “look for me in the usual places.” She might mention being a “corn star” and say words that rhyme with the name of the site she’s on. Again there are a thousand ways, all of which rely heavily on euphemism, something very similar to the old Cockney rhyming slang, winks, verbal nudges, and salacious hand gestures. It’s very much a finely-honed art form, and I am not an artist in that medium.

bunny ears at a porn shoot

In my original 2013 post on surviving the pornocalypse, I wrote that thriving on porn-hostile social media platforms was a matter of being pushy on a diverse array of platforms and then staying agile in the face of the inevitable backlashes and bans. I wasn’t wrong, but I sure didn’t envision the amazing deftness and skill that clever adult performers would evolve!

Image credits, top to bottom: The curvy innocent with rabbit ears who is getting dubious help making a sex tape for her “OnlyStans” account is by PonehAnon. The blue-haired babe with big tits and bunny ears preparing to make some blowjob content for her channel is by Kisou. The bunny taking mirror selfies of her ample breasts is by Eltonel. The woman posing for pics under her ring light in the full Playboy Club bunny-waitress outfit is by cela/akeeeeee675. The jizzed-upon woman shooting porn in her bunny ears, stripper cuffs, and fishnet gloves is by Player1.

rabbits cams banner 512x30

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October 7th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

Failing To Dunk On Furries

If you are highly online, you may from time to time have seen this oft-reposted photograph from a 2018 furry convention. Internet smartguys have tried to make a bit of a homophobic and kink-shaming meme of it, the evident “idea” being that there’s something risible about providing HIV testing to convention attendees:

photo of an HIV testing sign at a furry convention

This article by Soatak has more info if you were blessedly unaware, but much more to the point, it robustly defends the notion of HIV and other STD testing at conventions in general:

If you’re organizing any type of public event–be it a gaming, anime, steampunk, cyberpunk, or comic book convention, music concert, medieval or renaissance festival, and so on–you should consider doing what Midwest FurFest does.

This is obvious to most queer people, but might be counter-intuitive at first. So let me explain.

Any large gathering of people is likely to lead to adults hooking up. This is a fact of life, especially when alcohol is involved.

Having a convenient way to know your status onsite is a great way to allow consenting adults to make informed decisions about their sexual health, especially if they’re not generally promiscuous and aren’t in the habit of getting tested regularly.

Let me emphasize: the most sexually promiscuous adults are generally already in the habit of getting regularly tested, so the onsite STI testing doesn’t actually do much for them.

This only helps people who don’t regularly visit their health department or planned parenthood to know their status.

Therefore, free onsite STI testing is a damn good idea to protect the health of your community.

Even if you hold some weird disdain for the habitually sexually promiscuous (“sluts”), this service primarily benefits everyone else, since any ethical slut already knows their goddamn status as well as the status of anyone they’re fucking that night.

Any event that can afford to offer Free STI testing and doesn’t probably doesn’t care about adults making informed decisions about their sexual health.

Furry conventions are for furries, which are overwhelmingly LGBTQIA+ compared to the rest of the population. That one of our conventions can afford to take steps to protect the sexual health of its adult attendees is a damn good idea, even if it was limited to HIV at first.

Everyone should consider stealing this idea from us.

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October 5th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

Naked Trump Statue

statue of a fat and naked Donald Trump

Did you see the story last week about the giant (43 feet tall) naked statue of Donald Trump that got installed beside the highway near Las Vegas by some art activists? The artwork is titled “Naked And Obscene.” Some of the usual MAGA suspects are quoted as claiming that the artists are “demons”, that the statue “is designed to incite violence”, and that Trump, if/when reelected, “should jail” everyone involved.

tall forklift installing a giant statue of nude Donald Trump

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October 3rd, 2024 -- by Bacchus

Holiday Sex In Cyprus

You know you’re at a pleasure resort when you’re napping in your hotel with the windows open and the well-pleasured screams of an orgasmic woman come drifting in with the sea breeze. Turn your sound up for this one:

I’m no wizard of audio analysis, but I hear several screams of “I’m gonna come!” in there, plus some actual screaming, plus something that might be “Daddy, hold me!” but probably isn’t.

 
September 30th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

The View From Up Here Is Amazing!

 
September 28th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

A Scotsman On How To Treat English Girls

I laughed aloud at this cute clip of Craig Ferguson explaining to the lovely English actress Alice Eve how he likes to treat English girls. Her flirtatious titter is superb:

In the clip, Craig says: “I’ve always loved the English girls. I very much enjoy doing to them what their ancestors did to my country!”

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