The Acidman shares with us (but does not claim to have written) how it would be if “Dear Abby” was a man:

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A.: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. Then cook him a nice meal.

Mr. Abby misses a prime opportunity here, though, to further point out that, supposedly, semen makes women happy.