Porn For Your Video iPod
Wow. I just got the new video iPod. Of course I didn’t get it just for viewing porn, but I’ve got a sex blog thing going on here, so I had to try that out.
Unfortunately, the iTunes store doesn’t sell any worthy porn. No worries; like lots of folks, I’ve got a ton of accumulated little porn clips on my hard drive that I’ve downloaded over the years. Lots of it is 320×240 (the dreaded “postage stamp” size) and doesn’t look like much on a computer screen viewed from twenty-four inches away, but on the stunningly vivid iPod screen held a comfortable distance in front of your face, it ought to look real good. So I’ll just bung my video clips into my iTunes library and get busy viewing, right?
Alas, no. There’s a slight flaw in that plan — video formats. The iPod accepts only two formats; video on the PC comes in many different flavors, virtually none of which match what the iPod wants. You want a good explanation for that, talk to a video geek; I don’t pretend to understand it. There are ways to convert, but they don’t sound easy. I Googled the problem and the “best” solution seemed to be to buy expensive conversion software and then expect to wait a long time as each bit of video gets converted properly. Sorry, but I don’t want it that bad.
So how am I gonna get porn for my iPod?
Fortunately, inspiration struck. You’ll have noticed I’m always posting pictures here that I downloaded from the alt.binaries erotica newsgroups on Usenet; the service I use for that is GUBA, a cheap and friendly sort of search appliance for the Usenet visual content that’s otherwise very difficult to find and download. (If you know how to download dirty movies from Usenet without GUBA, you probably already know how to convert all your files into iPod-friendly formats too, while baking a savory peach pie with your other hand.) Maybe GUBA (I thought hopefully) would have some iPod-friendly dirty movies?
Ding ding ding ding ding! Jackpot. It turns out that GUBA is riding the crest of the iPod porn wave; they have recently added a filter that converts almost all of the video on Usenet into iPod-friendly format, so if it’s been posted to Usenet in the last couple of weeks, you can download it iPod-ready. That’s a LOT of porn, folks; the bigger groups (like alt.binaries.multimedia.erotica) can have 2,500 or more video clips (or even whole movies) at any one time. And there are a metric buttload of different porn groups — one for every imaginable fetish.
When it comes to finding and downloading, nothing could be easier. Just pick your flavor (say, nude celebrities from alt.binaries.multimedia.nude.celebrities) and browse the videos — they make it easy with full-screen “contact sheet” style previews, or you can watch online with a nifty streaming Flash application. Here’s a clip of Halle Berry getting naked and nasty (in a good way) in Monster’s Ball (members-only link, will expire in a couple of weeks):
All you have to do is hit the “iPod Download” button. Once the file’s on your hard drive, import it into iTunes and it will be added to your iPod the next time you synch up. Easy as pie!
Better still, every newsgroup on GUBA has a nifty “subscribe to Feed in iTunes” button at the top of the page: 
When I clicked that, I downloaded a .pcast file that loads into iTunes and sets it up to download new movies from the selected group as fast as they appear (bandwidth permitting, and you can eat a lot of it this way). An endless gusher of porn, shooting from the hose faster than you could ever hope to consume it. (I could dirty up that metaphor if you liked.)
None of which would matter much, except for the fact that (just like everyone says) watching video on the iPod is an unexpectedly pleasurable experience. The screen is bright and vivid, the details are sharp, and when the iPod’s in your hand, it naturally gravitates to your most comfortable viewing distance. In many cases, it’s actually quite a lot better than watching the same movies on your computer screen. Plus, you can take the iPod somewhere more comfortable (or more private) than your computer desk, if you are so inclined….
I bought my video iPod to have an iPod, thinking the video would be a mostly-worthless gimmick. Boy, was I wrong. The Nymph (who loves music videos) took one look over my shoulder and began pleading with me to let her play with it — the video is that pretty. At this rate, I may have to buy her a second one!
Update from the future: Apple invented smartphones, killing video iPods deader than the Dodo bird. Meanwhile GUBA pulled a #pornocalypse and got rid of all its porn, trying to compete with YouTube; it was dead and gone in eighteen months. Now this post is nothing but a quaint historical artifact. But The Nymph enjoyed that video iPod for many years, in truth.
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=1036
GUBA charges for usenet access that is otherwise free. They make money off other people’s copyrighted content for which they don’t own licenses.
Just thought you should know.
We’re taking the plunge, or more aptly, sticking our toes into the video podcast game this week. We’ll begin by offering serialized versions of our films. <i>Marie and Jack: A Hardcore Love Story, Episode I</i> is already available if you know where to look for it. Look for a formal annoucement once we actually figure out what we’re doing!
-TC
Bacchus, I linked to an article about this, but haven’t tried it yet.
http://diveinto...uide/
Hah, those are exactly the sort of impenetrable geek instructions that made me flee to GUBA. “Follow the instructions to download and install all the necessary helper applications.” My rule of thumb: if it doesn’t have an autoinstaller, it’s beyond the capability of at least 90% of potential users.
Besides, I could be wrong, but those look like instructions for Mac users, and most of my readers here are in the PC world.
I do appreciate the helpful spirit of your linkdrop, though. Thanks, Viviane.
Ms. Naughty, I don’t see it that way. They offer an interface for the clueless (like me) to an arcane and mosty-forgotten internet service. They are selling a better interface, nothing more.
They don’t need to own licenses any more than Google does, because they don’t claim to own the stuff; all they do is offer an easier way to get at the usenet groups.
And for what it’s worth, the overwhelming majority of the porn on usenet is placed there by the content owners to attract attention. See all those little url watermarks on the videos? The content owners put clips out there for free, hoping you’ll like what you see and surf to their websites for more.
Bacchus. I am a guba member and have had very positive experiences with the service.
I noticed they have implemented the ipod feature and am hoping that Santa brings me one!
OK. First a statement of interest. I run an adult site. Now you know where I’m coming from.
Secondly… how do you KNOW that the “overwhelming majority” of content placed on Usenet is placed there by content owners? How do you know it hasn’t just been ripped out of a member’s area and posted there?
While I know of some paysite owners who see doing so as a legitmate marketing exercise, I also know of plenty of others who do not distribute their copyrighted content via usenet and who object strongly to others doing so.
A lot of people put watermarks on their content to try and counter content theft. That way, if the content is stolen, it is at least acting as a pseudo advertisement tool.
Thirdly… it is acknowledged by a lot of porn industry veterans that trying to advertise a paysite to people who are accessing a shitload of free (possibly stolen) porn is hard work. So again, I question the idea that the majority of stuff on usenet is legitimately placed there.
This is why I made my original comment post.
One more thing… is there a problem with my adding my URL to my name? Every other commenter got to do so… I feel so rejected. Yes, I’m a pornographer, but I’m not a spammer…
Ms. Naughty, nobody KNOWS anything. We have opinions based on evidence. In this case, I’ve spent ten or fifteen years tracking several favorite newsgroups on Usenet, and seen (from the accompanying text and metadata on the posts) that content owners are a huge contributor of content to the groups.
Which is not to say that there isn’t a lot of unapproved content on Usenet also. Even if I’m right about my huge majority, that still leaves a very large minority. One nice thing about GUBA, at least, is that they make it fairly easy for aggrieved content owners to have content removed from the GUBA search results — something that’s virtually impossible with respect to the underlying Usenet groups.
Now, about your link. I treat that “homepage” linkbox as a narrowly-granted privilege, not a right. Non-commerical bloggers are welcome to post their URLs, but any URL I see that’s commercial in nature (porn or not) is highly suspect and most likely will be deleted. Since your page popped two banners above the fold, it wasn’t a tough call.
Of course there is a bit more too it than that. Commercial links from operations I know and respect are sometimes allowed, especially if they accompany a comment that’s on-target and helpful. See, e.g., Tony Comstock’s comment and link in this thread. On the other hand, commercial links that accompany comments that are short, off-topic, rude, hostile, or unhelpful are *much* less likely to survive.
In your case, you posted a three-sentence off-topic comment that, read in the most uncharitable light, contains two lies and an implied insult, while defaming one of the solid sponsors who helps pay the ErosBlog bandwidth bill and keep me in whiskey and bacon. And for this you expect in return a slug of commercially valuable traffic? I don’t think so.
OK, I really really do not want to piss off someone who runs a blog that I read and enjoy regularly. I should not have asked about the link. Bad attempt at humor.
I also shouldn’t be making another post. But I can’t let that last sentence go. My comment was not off topic. It was about GUBA. I have to take exception that you’ve said I posted “lies” or “defamation”. GUBA charges people money to look at content for which they don’t own a licence. It’s not like Google images. There’s money changing hands. And why is it the responsibility of the copyright owners to contact GUBA and demand their stuff be taken down? That’s a case of “Anything’s OK until you get caught.”
I originally posted because I found it a little disappointing that you were promoting a service which I (and many other adult webmasters – read Netpond) believe is unethical. Especially since I’ve always thought ErosBlog was about discussing and encouraging good quality adult material, and I wholeheartedly supported it because of that.
Why should I care? Because I’m a copyright owner and copyright theft is an issue I deal with.
I advertise on my blog (above the fold… I didn’t realise this made me some kind of lowlife). I make a living from advertising porn. So do you. We make choices about what we advertise. You are obviously happy to promote GUBA, so it was a mistake for me to try and change your opinion.
As I said, I did not intend to piss you off, but I suspect that its too late. A shame. Enjoy your bacon.
I’m not pissed off, just being blunt and honest. You were off topic because the topic was “GUBA as method of finding porn for iPods”, not “the endless pointless debate about GUBA’s business model”.
I continue to believe that GUBA does not sell usenet access, that usenet access is not generally free in any case, and that GUBA makes money by offering a better interface. Since we’ve both stated our position twice now, I’d like to suggest it’s a dead horse in this forum.
I’ll concede that your first two sentences were not literally lies, since you apparently believe them to be true and they are debatable propositions. However, as your most recent comment reveals, you know your arguments are hotly debated, yet you presented them as fact. That was, at best, rhetorically disingenuous, especially when followed up with the insincere “I thought you should know.”
And finally, I don’t understand why you feel like a “lowlife” because I won’t give your commercial operation free advertising. With rare exceptions, I *charge* commercial operations for their advertising on my blog. No insult in that. I didn’t call you a spammer, I just removed your unwelcome link.