For reasons extraneous, I wanted to post a cute puppy girl picture here. I typed “doggie girl” into Google.

This was…injudicious.

Don’t panic; I found a very nice girl on a leash. You can’t give puppies as Christmas presents in most cases; it’s not fair to the puppy or the recipient. And you can’t usually give puppy girls, either — those pesky anti-slavery laws and all. But given a choice as to which one I’d rather find in my Jacuzzi on Christmas morning? Yeah:

Source: the Christmas Porn tumblr.

So, why was my search injudicious?

Well, to be blunt about it, “doggie” is not the neutral search term you might think it is. Plus, it turns out there are some women out there who are more intimate with “doggie” than I was really wanting to see right then. Both of which I could have predicted if my brain had stayed one step ahead of my Google fingers.

What I could not have predicted: The Veterinarian. Ulp!

And right in the middle of the whole damned train wreck, I found this poor nude woman who has suffered the indignity of having her torso unnaturally extended. Unless the Spanish Inquisition has revived the rack, I must assume she’s been most brutally Photoshopped:

Note to self: Next time, coffee first, then Google Image Search.