Consent, Conscience, And Revolution
There’s a lengthy essay out by Laurie Penny that is worthy of your time. It’s about, in part, the recent astonishing outburst of… whatever this is… and why it’s even more important to all of us than it looks at first when examined as a simple matter of human justice:
A great many abusers and their allies have begged us to step back and examine the context in which they may or may not have sexually intimidated or physically threatened or forcibly penetrated one or several female irrelevances who have suddenly decided to tell the world their experiences as if they mattered.
Look at the whole picture, these powerful men say. Consider the context. I agree. Context is vital. It is crucial to consider the context in which this all-out uprising against toxic male entitlement is taking place. The context being, of course, a historical moment where it has become obvious that toxic male entitlement is the greatest collective threat to the survival of the species.
I am going to be discursive for a moment. Have you enjoyed the sport of watching male newscasters on television talking about these recent events, and trying to spot the not-yet-outed guilty weasels? Some of them are definitely starting to show green around the gills; they have this nervous and shifty look, as if, you might think, they have examined their consciences and come up… concerned?
Others — Chris Hayes on MSNBC comes to mind — have dived into reporting the harassment-and-abuse news with vigor and gravity, but nary the scent of weasel. Only two possibilities flow from that demeanor: a completely clear conscience, or consummate acting skills. Too many shocks and surprises make us idiots if we assume the best of anybody (Garrison fucking Keillor?) but I’ve got a pretty clean conscience of my own so I know it’s possible. (I credit a happy relationship, plus the not-usually-so-helpful fact that minor social phobias tend to keep me from making eye contact with, much less inappropriate verbal or physical advances on, anybody who is not The Nymph.)
So let me speak for a moment to the community — however small it may be — of men of relative clear conscience, men who accordingly might be watching this unhappy spectacle from a place of smugness, amusement, bemusement, or detachment, perhaps thinking “this doesn’t directly affect me.”
You’re wrong. I was wrong. Laurie Penny’s piece explains why. The mass refusal of women to take this kind of bullshit any longer offers a directly relevant object lesson:
We know the world doesn’t work the way most of us want it to. We watch a bunch of badly-fitted suits stuffed with self-satisfied swagger frogmarch our nations down the road to economic calamity and climate destruction, and we try to tell ourselves that we chose this, that we have some sort of control, that there is a thing called democracy that is working more or less as it was designed to. We want to believe that some of this is our fault, because if it isn’t, then maybe we can’t do anything to stop it. This is more or less the experience of being a citizen of a notionally liberal, notionally democratic country these days. It is depressing and scary. And if we ever actually speak about it honestly we can count on being dismissed as crazy or bullied into silence, so it’s easier to swallow our rage, to bear up and make the best of things and try not to start drinking before noon every day. Being as furious as we want feels like it might be fatal, so we try not to be too angry. Or we direct our anger elsewhere. Or we turn it inwards. Or we check out altogether.
Sound familiar? That’s about how most women experience sexuality.
Oh, shit. No matter how clear I thought my conscience was, if I’m part of that… *gulp*
Moving on, rapidly.
Penny makes the point that our current society generally is based on abuses of consent. She argues that the women coming forward right now are, perhaps, a vanguard. She argues, if not in so many words, that taking consent seriously is literally revolutionary:
We watch the despots warming their tiny grasping hands around the trash fire of civil society, we look at the real extent of rape and abuse being revealed all around us and some of us still try to believe that we somehow choose this. Because the alternative is even worse. The alternative, awful truth is that it doesn’t matter what the vast majority of us choose. That none of the choices on offer are enough to protect us, or our families, or our communities from violence, that the important choices were never ours to begin with, that we are not living in an age of consent.
What happens when enough people stop believing that they ever wanted a world like this? What might happen to us as a society – hell, as a species – if enough of us begin to take consent seriously? What might happen if enough of us stood up together and refused to spend another second watching rich old white men do whatever the fuck they want to our bodies and call it freedom? Well, we might be about to find out.
It’s been a tired blogging trope for almost twenty years, so by now you should know the drill. Go read the whole thing: The Consent of The (Un)Governed).
Similar Sex Blogging:
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=19959
It’s obvious that non-consensual sexual contact is wrong and deserves the full weight of both the law and public outcry. Likewise, behaviors that create a sexually hostile workplace should not be tolerated. As the evidence allows, string ’em up and throw away the key. As the father of two daughters, I can have no tolerance for sexual predation.
I do, however, cringe a bit at the “male toxicity” narrative – but not because there isn’t any truth to it. Male toxicity exists. Maybe even a lot. However, I don’t know how to measure it with accuracy – either collectively or individually – and I don’t think anyone else does either. It’s a super-charged phrase that can easily lead to overreach and broad brush mob tactics. History is replete with examples of over-reactions that wind up unfairly punishing some innocents and disproportionately punishing some guilty.
We cannot allow gender alone to determine the guilt of the individual that has been accused. An over-emphasis on concepts such as “male toxicity” can too easily lead to a “kill ’em all and let God sort it out” mentality.
The individual is never guilty simply because of immutable qualities they share with a collective. That is true for immutable qualities such as race, able-bodiless, etc. It is true for orientation. It is also true for gender. I am a male. That alone does not make me toxic. My behavior and character (or lack thereof) are the only equitable criterion by which my toxicity can be determined.
Having said all that, let me be clear: I am heartened by the fact that we seem to have reached a water shed moment in sexual politics. These predators must be punished appropriately. We should seize this incredible moment to forge a better future for ourselves. In doing so, however, let’s not replace one abuse of power with another. That is a foolish attempt to make two wrongs into a right and ultimately serves only to retard our ability to move forward as humans.
Yeah, but YOU brought that phrase to the conversation; it’s your straw man to struggle with. “Toxic male entitlement” is the accusation before the house, which strikes me as a rather more precise accusation against which any particular man can be measured on the facts.
I don’t disagree — entirely — with your broader point; I’m enough of an individualist and a due-process fetishist to be nervous about dams breaking and watershed moments and pent-up anger washing over potentially-innocent individuals. But you know what? I’m also clear that that there has been a heavy thumb on one side of the scales of justice for a long time. If there’s a sudden social upheaval aimed at lopping off that thumb, I guess I’m willing to take my lumps, or at least keep my thumbs inside my mittens and my hands well away from the scales for awhile. Now just doesn’t feel to me like the time to speak up for the proposition of “hey, wait a minute, let’s not get carried away, something about this might not be perfectly fair….” That complaint just isn’t going to find a very sympathetic hearing among the people (women) who haven’t been experiencing fairness all this time, however righteous it might be in some absolute Platonic sense.
Is it wrong for those of us who haven’t been horrible asses to take some pain, because of the actions of a lot of guys who Are horrible asses? I mean, we haven’t been successful at cleaning up our own house yet, or we’d be being thanked for taking care of the arseholes without all of the pain that women and POC, and people without power have been going through for generations.
What we Should be doing, is putting our shoulders to the wheel, and willingly taking part in building a new society, one that’s less shite, even if it’s just a bit, this time, than what it was before.
And we need to spend some time figuring out why men in positions of power so often just play with people who have less power. I know there are lot of men who Haven’t abused their positions to the extent of wanking off in front of people who aren’t into that kind of thing, perhaps we need to figure out how they’re different, and spread some of that non-shittiness around.
Is the problem that most women quit being lawyers after they make partner at 30 because they don’t care as much anymore, or is the problem that many men will keep on putting in 60-80 hour weeks in search of a bonus bigger than the next arsehole, just to Win? How do we preserve the desire to win big, and do amazing things, while avoiding the shittier side effects of that power drive?
Justin I don’t know if it’s right or if it’s wrong that some not-the-worst-asses are getting beat right now along with the foul ones, but in the current moment, it’s surely happening. And if there’s one thing I’m clear about, it’s that I’m way too busy cheering for the main ass-beating event to care very much. Maybe I’ll stand over here and plaster my butt firmly against a wall? But I’m still cheering.
I think you’re doing well to ask, too, what more we can/should be doing, even if I don’t have ready answers.