Outliving Your Sex Toys
I’m not quite old enough to be a Baby Boomer, but I’m old enough to contemplate this problem seriously:
Disposing of sex paraphernalia – actually all those embarrassing items you have stashed around the house – is something every boomer should be concerned about. The days are dwindling down to a precious few and some of you have a nasty cough. Do you want the people clearing out your house, particularly your children, to find those feathery, metallic, rubbery, polymer blend items you ordered one drunken night a few months after you’d been forced to take early retirement? Do you want them to know their big, tough construction worker dad liked to dress up in heels and a boa and sing “La La La” from “No Strings,” one of Richard Rodgers’s weaker efforts?
You may be thinking, “What do I care what my friends or children find in the house? I will be beyond embarrassment, I will be dead.” But you are wrong. Doctors now know that the human sense of embarrassment can last up to two weeks after the heart stops beating…
I’ve actually been fortunate to be able to help someone with this problem from the other direction. A gentleman of some years was in possession of many boxes of highly personal effects from a deceased relative. Some boxes the relative had stored with him before marrying late in life, and others (mostly more respectable books) had been given over by the relative’s widow. Valuing books himself, knowing that books predominated in the collection, and knowing of my interest in erotic books, the donor handed over entire collection to me in closed and unexamined boxes. Unstated was the donor’s desire to spare his own heirs from having to deal with it. I promised to give or find the books a good home, while disposing of any other personal effects respectfully and discretely; and that was that. No money changed hands. I spent a day driving, I got some interesting vintage sex books, and I was able to remove a literally weighty problem from my donor’s garage (and thus relieve his mind).
It was an unexpectedly personal transaction throughout. Even after I had the boxes safely home and began to sort them, the sorting process was surprisingly personal; there was an entire long lifetime of sexual confusion and pain and discovery recorded in the progression through decades of various kinds of porn, toys, and clippings from writings on human psychology and sexuality. By separating these materials and disposing of the clippings and age-deteriorated sex toys, a respectable library of porn and sex books was not only saved from likely destruction, but laundered of its power to illuminate (or tarnish) the memory of its creator.
Similar Sex Blogging:
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=10892
My first thought on reading this was that I don’t have enough money to have this problem yet–most of my sex stuff could literally fit in a shoebox!
Then I realize that the vast majority of my porn is on the Internet now. For me, the real problem is having people I don’t want to see it find it while I’m ALIVE.
I think the progressive thing would be to leave it as it is, with a note that says “yes, your husband/uncle/grandma was kinky, it doesn’t mean that they’re any less of a person than when you thought they were vanilla/sexless.” If more people did that (or even better, talked about it with their family when they were still alive) it would go a long way toward acceptance of kinks and sexual variety.
But I want to scandalize those who survive me. The thought of being able to do so adds sweetness to my days as I totter toward the tomb.
Ha!
It is an interesting consideration, one that I never contemplated till today…I suppose I could make a naughty addition to my Last Will and Testament. x
Having some experience with this, having settle the estate of both parents, I would like to point out that likely you WILL be alive when your family deals with your estate – Many people now move from their home to hospital or long term care while they are still cognizant, leaving their home and possessions to be dealt with – including their secrets…
Another point is that what is found is often without context – were sex toys part of an active couples life style or a secret life of one or the other only? Where those whips and chains props for imagination or where they seriously kinky and used severely. You can not ask or expect answers.
Maybe the thing to take way from this is to do some estate planning of your own and determine how your own secrets should be dealt with in case of your eventual infirmity.
[…] ErosBlog, Bacchus discusses this article at The New York Times which is all about the sex toys and smut we leave behind when we […]
[…] out that the story behind Epiphora’s used Sybian is tangentially related to my post about Outliving Your Sex Toys. Epiphora’s actual review is about as you’d expect (the Sybian is big, it’s […]
[…] ErosBlog, Bacchus discusses (NWS) this article at The New York Times. (See also my earlier article: Grandma Was A Swinger: […]