It is entirely possible to think too much about blowjobs. Don’t believe me? I have proof, in the form of Girl On The Net experiencing angst after giving what by all accounts must have been a dang fine blowjob:

Philosopher and beard-owner Plato talks of ideal ‘Forms’ that exist outside our world. Your chair is different to that stool over there, but you understand that they’re both chairs because both of them echo some properties that are also present in the ideal form ‘Chair’. So somewhere probably outside our universe there exists a chair that embodies every single perfect detail of ‘chair-ness’, and yours is simply an imperfect copy.

If Plato were right (which he isn’t, but who am I to criticise — I fell asleep in most of my Plato lectures) then there would potentially be a perfect blow job alongside all the other perfect forms. Outside this universe, the concept of the ‘perfect blow job’ would exist, floating around with other perfect concepts — the ideal horror movie, for instance, or the superlative block of cheese. Perhaps even the nebulous ‘real woman’ we hear so much about in the media.

This is all well and good if you’re Plato, but if you’re a person like me who wants to achieve the best blow job ever, it’s all a little disturbing. What’s more, I am a teeny bit annoyed with Plato for ever bringing up the idea that ‘perfection’ could ever exist outside of maths.

Yes, I overthink things.

{nods}

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