Dream Of A Bachelor-Party Pussy-Eating Class
I wanted to read this article by sex educator and burlesque performer Fancy Feast about her time working in sex toy sales because she billed it on social media as “a rant about sex positivity under capitalism” which is at least a little bit in the ErosBlog wheelhouse. It’s a good and wide-ranging article, too; you should go read it. I’m not even going to attempt to summarize, characterize, bloviate, or respond.
I do, however, want to highlight one paragraph of imagery that holed me below the waterline. We may think that we’ve come a long way in terms of gender equality, but socially? Naw. She’s talking about a point in her career where she was head of educational programming for the sex-positive sex toy store she worked for, mostly selling blow job workshops. But even though people would ask for cunnilingus workshops, they couldn’t sell enough tickets for the classes to make. She explains that most of the classes for the blowjob workshops were women who had been somehow convinced they need BJ skills to get and keep a man. Then she points out that women also worry about the oral sex they receive. But do men worry about giving it? It’s not a question she tries to answer per se, but what she does say is telling:
I try to imagine a bachelor party coming into the store for a celebratory cunnilingus event, the groom-to-be adorned in a crown of stylized, glittery cunts. Each man gingerly entering the room, wrapping a hand around a complimentary craft beer for the comfort of a familiar object. Each of them nervous that there is some secret out there to pussy eating that the other men aren’t telling, each of them worried that their girlfriends and wives or Tinder dates will leave them for someone who sucks clit better. I imagine each participant – the groom’s brother, his fiancé’s best guy friend, his cousins – adorned with vulva necklaces, sucking on ripe peaches and juicy mangoes, sitting on foldout chairs in a room of men, howling with laughter and cheering each other on as they practice tongue techniques. Thinking about this makes my heart ache.
Yeah. That’s like, so not happening. By which I mean, of course, that in my calcified imagination I can’t see it happening in what remains of my lifetime. Although it’s also true that we live in an age of wonders, and I am astonished every day…
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Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=21230
People look at things differently. The flip side is what if a bachelorette party hired male hookers and the party gets totally wasted on various drugs; hard to imagine that happening just as much as the one described above. My own bachelor party was 3 guys going out for hot dogs and pepsi cola but hey to each their own.
A bit more seriously, some of the difference *for me* (I hesitate to generalize this) is that giving a blowjob is a bit more about my skill to accommodate that thing; I don’t have that insecurity about eating pussy. Ergo, I’ve had to “practice” more to acquire -and then keep- my fellatio skills than for eating pussy or rimming. And my pussy-eating is more about *her* and less about *me*. Most guys I’ve blown have been a lot less … specific about how they want it than at least a plurality of the women I’ve gone down on. A cunnilingus class focused on non-real pussy is gonna be pretty short and not very useful; I’d go to a free seminar but wouldn’t bother to pay for it. And I’ve been eating pussy for 42 years; each one is delightful and unique.
If it’s electronic, it could give a score for doing certain patterns, That’s the key I’d say.