They say it’s not so easy, even with the internet on your side, to find a dominatrix when you need one. Oh, sure, there are sites for dominatrix dating, and that definitely helps. My first answer to any “How do I find…” question of romance or lust in 2019 is always “turn to the internet!” and the more specialized the question, the more emphatic I am about giving that same answer.

Internet dating and female dominance, though, are a pair of concepts that are fraught with potential pitfalls and confusion. There are no facile solutions, no silver bullets, no easy answers. The seeker must merely educate himself and forge onward in optimism, with honesty and empathy and realism.

A truth: “Dominatrix” is a word most often used by dominant women who are dominant as a paid professional service. But it’s by no means a 100% thing. People seeking non-commercial romantic relationships, or quick kinky sex hookups, can and do use the word too.

A truth: No online dating site in the USA can legally hook you up with a commercial dominatrix. But by the same token, no dating site can 100% screen them out, because how would they? So you may not know at first, when you make an online contact, if it’s social or commercial. Be clear about what you’re looking for. But don’t be rude about what you don’t want!

When it comes to finding dominant women online, I’ve heard rumors — and seen some unpleasant evidence — of a phenomenon that seems to occupy the space halfway between a scam and a highly-specialized fetish. I’m referring to the so-called “findom” or “financial domination” hustle. Now, I’ll never say a word against honest hardworking fee-for-service in-person dominatrixes. But the online-only findom types don’t seem entirely like upright citizens to me. From what I can tell, sometimes the extraction of money from their “clients” is the only domination service they provide. I’d say at least: be sure of your fetish before you get mixed up with them. Be sure that giving away scads of money (for, basically, nothing) is going to make you feel happy. Then, sure, you do you!

The cartoon above applies to any new kinky dating situation, really. Don’t let yourself get pressured into fulfilling somebody else’s complicated fantasy before you’re sure that you’re also into it. There’s plenty of time to go slow. Try jumping through the hoop a few times before you agree to let her set it on fire. There’s no need to wear the tiger suit on the first date. You get the idea.

And this cartoon? It flips the lesson back onto you. If you find somebody willing to play out your wild fantasies with you, maybe don’t push her too far or too fast. She might lose interest before she’s even done unpacking your toybox!

Now, get out there and have fun…