What’s better than a woman who has all the freckles on her tits? Puffy nipples with nice big easy-to-grab nipple rings!

From an old porn Tumblr.

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This scenic bit of nudist nature trail hiking is said to be at the Heliopolis naturist resort on Levant Island in the French Mediterranean, according to an article in the February 1956 issue of Nugget magazine.

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Where does this go in the birdwatching diary? My buddy says he went out before dawn for a few hours of birding, got all set up in a covert blind with his long lens, and settled in for a quiet day of checking new species off his life list. Then this couple stumbled off the nature trail and decided to put on a different kind of mating display.

In truth I think this is a few frames from an old 21 Naturals video that circulated on Tumblr back in the day. But I like my story better.

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Not every woman enjoys receiving a full load of hot jizz on her face as much as Aurora Snow appears to do here, but the ones who do never need to be lonely:

Possibly from the erstwhile BroBang website.

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These 27 grainy frames are originally from a Bang Bros movie, but they now serve the twin purposes of memorializing the glory days of porn .gifs on Tumblr-that-was and demonstrating the profound sensory effects of a heavily ridged glass anal dildo:

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I’ve commented before (and not just once) on the lack of a good word or phrase for the sexual practice of getting off by rubbing a penis between two sufficiently-generous breasts. Tit job, breast sex, titty fucking, and various orthographies and variations of these, all have their flaws and ambiguities. Stalwart commenter and occasional email correspondent Vagans recently alerted me to a blog post and citations therein that suggest a new-to-me terminology: the phrase “muscle fuck” and its mysteriously elaborate cousin, “Hawaiian muscle-fuck.” Here I will turn you over to the redoubtable Strong Language blog, joining in progress its review of a venerable book about the word “fuck”:

Back when I was a teen, c. 1980, some friends and I were cruising the streets of Seaside Heights, New Jersey on an off-season night. With us was a friend-of-a-friend, someone I did not know. He got into a verbal altercation with some other teens we had met on the street, and afterward as we drove off, he leaned out of the car window and shouted, “How’d you like a Hawaiian muscle fuck?!”

Now, we had no idea what a Hawaiian muscle fuck was, and truth be told, I don’t think he did either. We dubbed him the “HMF Kid,” and the incident stuck with me long after I had forgotten his real name. Over the years I occasionally wondered what a Hawaiian muscle fuck was, but it wasn’t until I had a copy of Jesse Sheidlower’s The F-Word in my hands that I found out. There it was, in print, under the headword muscle fuck, noun:

an act of rubbing the penis between a woman’s breasts. […] 1992 Playboy (July) 37: Sex quiz … Been involved in breast fucking (a.k.a. the Hawaiian muscle fuck)?

There’s a use of muscle-fuck without the Hawaiian in this sense from 1974, so the HMF Kid didn’t coin the phrase. All that remains to discover is why is it Hawaiian? But I think that is a mystery lost to the ages.

Such is the utility of Sheidlower’s volume that it could solve a mystery dating back to my somewhat-misspent youth.

My intuition tells me that the answer to “why is it Hawaiian?” lies in the 20th century military history of Pearl Harbor and the related thriving prostitution districts of Honolulu. But I freely admit that I’m guessing.

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How’s the alien clearance job going? Well, it’s like that line in the old country music song. “We didn’t get much sleep, but we had a lot of fun…”

It’s all fun and games until the bursters hatch, right?

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